I.Missed.Therapy. (RANT)

I just got a call from my T saying I missed my appointment with her. I can see some blood spilling.

This is the first time I missed an appointment with T
EVER

I'm slipping... badly.

Today is not a good day. During the entire summer I have been having nightmares. Like, nightmares that make no sense but scare me anyways. Then I'm dissociated most of the day, and because of that Fida thinks she can just come out now and show everyone how real she is. And APPARENTLY I have a new one on my hands! So now I have to somehow control the always wild child Fida is so she doesn't blow it and make everyone think I am going down the drain AND I have to deal with another one that just apparently slips in without notice! And then Lucy is on Fida's side and she is scared of disappearing and Zar is the only one that stays out of it which is WEIRD but he is the only one that makes sense now! AND Fida apparently thinks that it is perfectly alright to cut while in my body and that made me go into shock for a while, but Zar came in, chastised Fida and took care of the body all the while.

I love Zar. I think he is the only one in here looking out for us.
I don't think Sammy even notices things like this, he has come out once during all of this and was studying some topic or another while looking up naked women on my DeviantArt account.
Not exactly what I thought he would do...but ok I guess.

And today M is at a funeral in anaother city and S is having problems with his university so has to deal with that with his dad. So now I'm stuck here with L and trying to make sure he cleans up what he leaves out and I DON'T KNOW HOW TO WASH DISHES. And there are so so so many of them. It makes my hands tingle in a disgusting way and my insides twist just to think about touching dirty dishes with my bare hands. YUCK. ICK. EEEEWWWWW!

Ok now that we are over that....I need Merlin..Lots and lots of Merlin. I'll just lie here after I vacuum and wait for someone who is actually competent enough to help me.

OH AND I'm afraid to tell S about everything going on about switching out because he just lectures me about how they are all me and whatnot but I REALLY don't need that right now. And besides, he just needs to worry about what to do for himself right now. So I really hope he doesn't read this.... o.o I'm afraid to tell M too because she...well she's already got enough on her plate as is.

SO I can handle this. Just have to wait one more week til therapy. BECAUSE I MISSED THIS ONE.

But I can handle this...I've handled worse better. I'll deal. I'll just sleep for now....