Sunday, October 16, 2011

I want to hurt myself.

I really do. I want to slash into my arms and legs until theres puddles of blood. I wan't to burn my skin so bad it never heals. I want to drink til I puke or smoke til I can't breathe. I want it all NOW before I go back to normal I NEED THE AGONY because my mind is HELL and I need the distraction I need the pain I need the visable sense of MYSELF because I asked myself "Who is this?" And I have no answer. That should be the easiest answer in the world. ME? NO NOT ME BUT ME YET NOT YET IT ALL AT ONCE AND I HATE IT. I HATE IT I HATE IT IHATE IT I WANT IT TO GO AWAY I WANT IT ALL JUST TO FUCKING GO AWAY IN RED RED RED RED RED. MY body feels disgusting and I want to get away somehow! Get away from the disgusting feeling get away from the feeling of always taking up too much space get away from these disgusting feelings stuck in my heart and lungs. but its mainly my lungs i feel those feelings in. like i could scream it all out one day but i never have a chance time or place to scream and my mouth stays shut and i want to hold my breathe and make the feeling stop i just want this feeling in my chest to GO AWAY and it doesn't unless i DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. BUT I CAN'T BECAUSE ITS WRONG TO SELF HARM. I KEEP TELLING MYSELF THAT AND I'M CLINGING TO THE THOUGHTS ANMD I'M TYPING THIS TO GET EVERYTHING OUT SCREAMING WITHOUT SCREAMING
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2 comments:

  1. AnonymousOctober 16, 2011 at 11:13 PM

    Please don't hurt yourself. I know it is hard sometimes. I don't pretend to know what you are going through but you don't have to go through it alone. ((((HUGS))))

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  2. LondonDreamerUKOctober 17, 2011 at 6:03 PM

    You are beautiful because you are you! You need to remember this! But knowing who you are, that is something we ALL fight for so long to discover. And though it seems hard now, once those pieces of you click, life seems all worth while. Hurting yourself is never worth it. By hurting yourself, your hurting everything that you are. Don't do it, please. People around you don't want that! They just want you to be happy and love yourself. In time, this will pass. You are strong!! *Hug/Embrace*

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