How therapy went (sorta)

I just realized I never spoke about my first therapy session on here. The session itself surprisingly went well. I  actually said what I needed to say.. well not all of it but I guess basics. I felt great afterward and my mom and I went shopping after and then got coffee. That night I had had a nightmare and woke up so depressed I couldn't get out of bed. Well I think I was depressed...I don't really know. Then the days after that I started having flashbacks like crazy and tried not to numb myself because when I numb myself is when I start doing dangerous stuff. It was so hard! I'm still dealing with nightmares right now and flashbacks, but I'm not numbing myself. Theres an ongoing battle in my head about that. One side says NUMB THE PAIN while the other says IT WILL HURT MORE. (I cut when numb usually and I really really REALLY don't want to cut ever again.... though sometimes my mind doesn't find anything wrong with it.) So I've been drawing and cuddling my pillow pet Charles (he's a panda x3) a lot, and though it is still painful I am getting a lot of awesome art from it! And I have been getting compliments o.O usually I absolutely HATE attention but when people like my art...its really nice. Makes me feel accepted, I guess.